Confessions of an Immigrant-10

Hello Lovelies,

I hope you guys are having a great time in your life and you might be waiting for my confession so I thought before I get busy with my life I should update you about the vacations. Well, vacations in Canada are short and we had just two weeks break. Apart from my job search mission I went to Stratford to meet my other set of relatives.

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I have so many relatives that I always get confused where to go and when to go. So, I went to Union Station from where my relative picked me up and then we went to CNE Exhibition for picnic. Those who are not familiar with CNE, let me update you with some information. Every year there is an exhibition near CN tower hence its known as CNE exhibition. The place has so many rides which is made keeping in mind the kids, youngsters and the older people. Due to this exhibition many people get a job. There is a special area for the food court where you will find foods from Indian to Chinese to Thai to Italian and many more brands.

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The mains being Harveys, Tim Hortons, McDonalds, Pizza Pizza, etc… We had three families with us and kids to accompany us. Trust me it is difficult to be with kids and especially when they are toddlers. We spent almost 10 hours there and it didn’t feel like we spent so much of time. We reached Stratford around 9:30 at night. Stratford trip has been amazing. I got the chance to taste homemade food prepared by my relatives and dishes were Lemon bars, roasted chicken, lemon chicken, pizza, zuccini, Mutter Paneer, White Chana, eggs etc. Stratford is a peaceful place and it has a town named Shakespeare where every other shop starts with the name of Shakespeare. I need to mention something special about the working style here. The people here are hardworking. They go to different places to set up their markets and it is not anyone’s cup of tea. They get up at around 4 O’ clock to start up their work and it takes almost 2 hours to set up their market.

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The last day of my vacation was super amazing as I went to Eaten Centre with my another folks. We watched a hindi movie, sorry I am bad with remembering names of the movie. But it is the latest movie by Ayushmann Khurana and the girl who was in Zor lagake Haisha. You guys can make your guesses. We had ice- cream and some food. We even went to buy some winter clothes and I really loved the ambience their. It was a perfect ending to my vacation. I also got 3 books in an amazing deal of 10$. Since my birthday is coming so my relatives thought to give those books in a present.

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Now its been a week since my college started. Things are changed now. Earlier we were enthusiastic as we knew nobody but now we know everyone so there is nothing new to discover and just the teachers. The teachers are pretty cool and I am looking forward to something new.

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I was in Brampton, yet another weekend with the family. My cousin told me that they were waiting for my confession and reading them is a ritual in the family. Things have been in settling mode. I am still learning new things.

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I met two of my old friends here and it was fun catching up with them. There was a time when I was looking for my ways and now I was the one guiding them what to do and what not.

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Everyone who comes here, get to know the reality of life. The first reaction is where I have ended upto. Second is the never ending homesickness. Third is, you miss the good and bad times. I miss my butterfly and Krishna’s growing up times. I wish I could see her new developments and Krishna’s new discoveries. I miss being with my friends when they are going through hard times and all you can do is just message them or call them. Next is, you miss your favourite places which used to give you peace. Here I couldn’t find a single place they can give some solace to my heart. my search is going on. I hope I get something.

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This segment I am writing after a month. The previous part I wrote before and now I am combining the two sets of emotions. The good part is I have got a job finally. Things are coming on a track. The new semester is a roller coaster ride for all of us. The new SAP programming has taken away my mind. The assignments only make me realize how easy it is and I learnt about snipping tool for a change. Not only this, last week we gave a small team presentation which gave me loads of confidence and I realized I can speak in front of 30 people. It was a good experience. I am liking the new semester though it is crazy. These days I am in love with the subways and TTC buses. I am completely used to the day to day travelling here. Now summer is gone and winters are knocking the door which is the toughest time. Now this calls for Winter Shopping.

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I recently volunteered for the Job Fair and made many friends. it was an amazing experience and I can say that I made lifelong friends in one go. Even the teacher Sevana was nice with all of us. We got lunch and even got a special chance to interact with companies like Walmart, Costco, Tim Hortons, The Body Shop, TD Bank, Hudson bay, McDonalds etc. The people who were with me were understanding and very accommodating.

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In all this how can I forget about Karan and Riya. they have been the pillars of my life recently. Karan and Riya recently came from India. One is a junior and other is a class buddy. I can’t believe that destiny had planned all this. I have been trying to meet Karan from a long time and we ended up meeting in Canada at Tim Hortons. When these two came to my life, I made sure I guide them so that they don’t end up making any sort of mistakes and I am glad to see them happy. We guys can easily co relate to each other and I feel strong and positive when I am around them.

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The major segment that went by was my BIRTHDAY. I was sad as I was missing my majors. But life has to go on and my roommates made my day so things were pretty cool. I had a sudden realization, Festivals, Seasons are passing by and I am in this country all alone missing my loved ones. With every passing day, my urge to meet my family keeps on growing. I wish these years quickly pass by. Then again I ponder over, I am missing those moments in my life which were mine before. I am missing my dad’s growing age, my mom’s never ending hope, my dadi’s wrinkled face, butterfly’s naive age, Krishna’s study moments, Saloni, Alpa and Tanya’s never ending talks. Above all, my Honors Gang, the all time blabbers and what not. Okay, so before I end on a teary note, I will wish you guys Happy Diwali in advance as I will be having my exams at that time. Stay tuned for my next updates and forgive me for being so late in updating this. I love you guys a lot and you know it.

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Author’s Note: I will be back with brand episode..till then Smile and keep Hoping for the Best!

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Confessions of an Immigrant- 9

It took me 5 months to realise that writing confessions on my blog gives some sort of peace to me. My tired mind gets relaxed while writing it. The past two months have been a roller coaster ride. I hardly knew what the hell was I doing and where I was going. The non stop assignments, tests made me so busy that I didn’t even get a single minute to think like what the hell was I doing with my life.

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The days in Canadian lifestyle have never been good for an immigrant. At times it is the never ending homesickness, the grief of losing your loved ones, the situations, managing finances, trusting wrong people and to add more, the jobless times. There are times when you feel homeless inspite of living in an apartment. Sometimes you are so alone in your class. You have a company of 39 more classmates still it feels lonely. Only at the time of in class you realise you have classmates as thats the time you talk to them.

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In this one semester I guess I have lived those segments which I have never went through in my past 21 years. I ended up meeting wrong people at wrong time and made mistakes which could have avoided. I won’t say I am sad, upset or depressed. In fact a feeling of aggression hover over mind where I badly want to do soemthing but I can’t. I try to mend the broken pieces of my life but always end up breaking new pieces. Every time the struggles are doubled or tripled. When we were in school we were taught two things, “HELP OTHERS!” ” BE A TRUE FRIEND TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN NEED!” Well, thankyou my dear teachers for these two things but unfortunately in Canada the situation is reverse. Canada goes with three rules, “THINK ABOUT YOURSELF!” “NEVER HELP OTHERS!” “NEVER TRUST OTHERS, NOT EVEN YOUR CLOSED ONES!”

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After going through a major down phase I realised this thing. Sometimes you learn by falling down. But what you learn from that downfall makes you. It is your life and you make the best out of it. The exam phase taught me one thing about teachers. They are generous in giving marks and adjusting the scores. These assignments actually saved us. Even in Canada bad things happen to Teachers. They are misjudged. Here also, our teacher was accused of something which for which she was not at fault. She was hurt and left the college. She performed the duty of a true teacher by conducting the exams. She could have left the job immediately. But she never did. When she hugged me and cried, that was the moment I realised, how dedicated she was. The whole semester she was telling us about the major assignment and she gave us extensions for that. After all that struggle and hardwork we got our grades but what she got? An accusation! I have never seen such a behavior and ached my soul. This incident actually made me respect her even more. Before going she told me, Surbhi, now you have a story to tell to your readers and here I am writing about her. I can only say, I will miss you Mila.

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Today I was in my most bad spirits when all of sudden out of the blew my friend called me. She knew I was not in a good mood. And to make the mood light she asked me to tell everything what was going on my mind as she has gone through all those things in these 3 years so she can imagine my situation. I felt light after telling her my thoughts and made it lighter by telling her about her situations and how she found a way out. She made me realise that there is a way out to everything. Its just you need to figure them out and sort it in the best possible way. At times you have to put a major cut down on things you want to have and at times you need to sacrifice your sleep to earn something. Hard work pays off. She cited those girly examples which actually cor- related to the things. I felt a bit sorted in my mind while talking to her. So immigrants, if you ever feel in that situation, talk to a friend, listen to a song. For me its talking to a friend who has gone through so much and writing my thoughts out so that I can be at peace.

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Parents are always with you. Sometimes you end up making mistakes but its parents who will listen to you, love you and give you the right direction. Your parents are your family and trust me, nobody will come to rescue you or help you when you will be in need. At times, you can manage on your own but then their are cases where everything can’t be managed on your own. Maybe its best to talk to them and tell them how you feel about them. Since you are away and busy, you can’t tell them how much you care about them, you can’t express your true emotions. At times you need to tell them the best things that has happened to you but back home its night and you have to wait for the morning. Now in morning you are late and you are unable to call them and tell them the news. Then the news become a casual story. And here comes the misunderstandings. Love is on both side but this stupid moron distance and time gap acts like an evil. Same goes with friends and relatives. The best taunts you ever hear is “You have gone so busy or you have forgotten us.” Nobody has ever forgotten you, you will always be there in the heart, its just the time and priorities which have changed.

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I have cleared my semester1 and now one more to go. Things can be harsh and harsher but you should know that you are a fighter and you have to fight every battle alone and inspire yourself all the time because your parents, friends and relatives will never be there with you all the time. It is you and you only who has to work hard, make them proud and bleed till you succeed.

Confessions of an Immigrant- 8

Hello lovelies,

Its been a while since I updated anything because I was going through major writer’s block. It was a phase when I decided that I would never write but then came some circumstances and situations where I realised I need to vent out my thoughts as it will dance in my head. We all know life is full of ups and downs. There are many things which I came to know during this phase.

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So, finally I made my bus pass and I could travel anywhere using TTC bus pass. I went to Brampton for a reception of my cousin sister. I learnt one more thing that 102 A stops at Centennial College whereas 102 B stops at Markham Road while 102 D stops just before Progress Campus. I learnt it after taking some wrong buses. Guys trust me, travelling in a bus has been the biggest challenge for me. For two months I avoided bus because I had a phobia that I might get lost but when I boarded the bus, my notions were proved wrong. The system is great here. There is a button to stop the bus when you reach your destination, there is no conductor, you can either put the coins in the box or just use your presto or TTC bus pass. Moreover, TTC pass can be used in TTC subway too. You can get to know about the buses from Transit. So, from Scarborough to Brampton you have to change 5 buses. In Brampton, TTC doesn’t work, infact it is Zum 502 which is faster. But changing buses is not at all hectic. Everything goes in time but you need to be on time for everything else you have to wait for 15 mins or sometimes half an hour maximum.

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Coming to the reception, it was amazing. The theme was white and gold. It was much different than any other wedding in India. It was the amalgamation of Punjabi and Gujarati families which was showcased beautifully. I liked the way the tables were set and the way the families were introduced. And the bridal party was fantastic along with the bride. In India, we don’t have speeches but here there were speeches from the close members of the bride and the groom. They were straight from the heart and reached the soul. Then there was couple dance, father- daughter dance, belly dance and cabre sort of performance. The most beautiful and pure segment was the father daughter dance. It was nostalgic, heart warming and I could feel the essence of love. In India, we don’t have this and I wish at that time I could dance with my dad.

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A new interesting thing happened in my Canadian life. It was playing the role of an HR Manager and as a Lawyer. No, I am not switching professions, it was part of my assignments. For the first time, I wore western dress and dressed up like a professional. It was an amazing feeling. Plus, during arbitration, it was just like some discussion and I enjoyed this new phase of my life.

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There was an event in college named Rangla Punjab where everyone was dressed up in a suit. The students danced for us, they had small quiz about punjab and many amazing posters were there about Punjabi Culture. Further, they applied Henna on some of the volunteers and I did too. The food was sumptuous as it was none other than Makki KI Roti with Sarson Da Saag along with authentic Lassi. I have a friend named Anjali who performed at this event. I feel so connected to Punjab and on that day I felt at home.

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Now semester is coming to an end, things have been different here. The people I met 3 months ago are different now. Either they are disconnected and some of them are attached. People are unpredicatable here. Either they will be your closest friends when they need you and then slowly they will alienate you from their lives as if you never existed. The other side is, those who think wont be with you, they will do anything to help you and make you feel special. I came across these two set of people which has made me completely philanthrophobic. I can say people are like chameleon that change its color all the time.

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Canada is a mystery and I am still in process of solving it. I realised today, your parents are your true well wishers and can be your best friends too. I miss everyone back home be it my friends, familia or the friends. These assignments have taken away everything. My inner peace is lost and I don’t even get time to introspect myself. I am around so many people but still I feel so alone and this feeling will never go away. I always feel that something is missing and maybe once I get to know what is missing, I can fill that missed part of the puzzle called LIFE. I just know one thing, I am strong and I know what is being weak.

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I will be back with another new episode soon. Stay tuned and keep following me 🙂

 

Confessions of an Immigrant-7

Hello lovelies,

I am back with yet another confession and I know many of you were waiting for my update but I was stuck with a Canadian Dynamite called Mid- Term. Finally its over and my Reading Week too. So, now tomorrow I will go back to my college and again back to that studies. But many new interesting things happened in this course of time.

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The latest event being my Cousin’s Ladies Sangeet. This weekend was more than fun, excitement and a roller coaster ride. I really loved the decoration. It was combination of Punjabi and Gujarati culture which I was looking forward to. There was a stall where mehandi keeps, parandi, bangles and some other sweets were there. Everything was from home, starting from scented candles, with stands, hukkas, cushions, colourful curtains, umbrellas. Now umbrella had something different in it. They were stitched with phulkari dupattas which made them look more ethnic. Further, I met my relatives which was an amazing catchup with cousins and family. We danced alot and some of the dance was choreographed.

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Bride’s Mom

Coming to the bridal shower which I had missed was also a great show and I just have a picture of it. I wish I could attend the bridal shower. But there were some props too like ‘Bride to be’, ‘Bride’s friends’ or some ‘bridemates’ etc.

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Sisterly Love

Mid Terms didnt seem like mid terms. We had no holidays and they were taken place in the given periods only and in given time. So, it was not like our Indian system that the exams and datesheets were given, then we used to give exams and go back. We practically had no datesheets. For 2 subjects we had mid term quiz which we had in the class and it was objective. All the papers were objective except the two. But I couldn’t feel like that I was giving any exam. We have to answer in the question paper only so we are not given the question papers back.

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first time gulab Jamun in Canada 🙂

The assignments were interesting but hectic. My group gave our best and we could score well in that. For the first time, I got a chance to compile the work and then only I realised how tough it is to be mechanical and go in a sync when it comes to compiling the work of different people into one. Some experiences are always different, yet it teaches us a new lesson.

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The next best segment was the live concert. I still don’t know who the singers were and my apologies for being so naive. There was a restaurant opening and the customers were given free food and some discounts for the other food if we order. The music just relieved my nerves and I wore a gown.

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with dadi and bua

Life has become fast paced and how time flies, you just never come to know. But slowly things are getting better and I am understanding the lifestyle here. I am still a learner and will surely learn new things everyday.

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Author’s Advice: Life is easy but it is on us, how we handle it, either by complicating it or by just facing the reality and moving on with a positive spirit.

 

Confessions of an Immigrant-6

Hello lovelies,

Life in Canada is so hectic and busy that you hardly get time to do your daily routine things. At times you forget to do your laundry or you hardly get a chance. At times you are so stuck with your assignments that you don’t get a single minute to breathe. Last week was a roller coaster ride for me. Can you imagine I was working hard on my assignment even during the weekends. I have not visited or met any of relatives in these past weeks which is really irritating.

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Wrote this quote for a contest!

Earlier I missed my Niagara Trip and this time I missed my cousin’s Bridal Shower. Well guys, Bridal Shower is a celebration and Gala time for the bride where they invite relatives and guests, bless the bride and enjoy their heart out. This was a theme based bridal shower where everyone wore White dress and the bride wore a Black dress. I can guess that she might have been looking good. But I missed the chance to see this as in India we never have Bridal Shower. It is the worst feeling when you are close to your family and still not be able to attend it.

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Side view of Centennial College

Another bomb that exploded in my Immigrant life apart from these hectic assignments is the mid term. Can you imagine that a teacher walks in the class and suddenly tells you that you have a mid term next week. Then another teacher says and its so hard to digest. Above all, the assignments, group work and everything goes hand in hand. Nothing stops, no prepatories given. Now I realised, this is Canada.

 

The only positive part was that I met my relative when I was unwell. He gave me the medicines which healed me so quickly. Another thing is, this is June, the month of holidays in India. My mom is in her maternal home and this is the first time I missed being there. The memories I had with them are memorable.

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New wind Sheeter!

I don’t understand one thing, inspite of getting so dead and tired how can anyone come up with a happident smile? This thought is so infectious. Some of the people I came across with are great. For the first time in Canada, I celebrated a friend’s birthday. This was something new. I realised that for the first time in my life I will celebrate my birthday without my parents and best friends. This made me nostalgic.

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I have started some of the reading but I realised my speed has slowed down. Assignments are the only monsters in my life. But when you get an A or A+ life seems bearable.

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Next week Father’s Day is coming and again this time I won’t be with him. Earlier, I used to be in Delhi and now I will be away from him. I miss my dad alot. I love him so much and I wish I could get a hug from him. He is unwell and I will pray that he gets well soon. Stay happy papa. I am your bahadur bacha. I love you..:)

Author’s Note: Sorry for updating so late! I will be back with more such confessions so stay tuned.

Confessions of an Immigrant-5

This is wierd, whenever I write a new episode, my post starts with apologies. But can’t help it. Things are going on hectic and a running mode. My simple, stagnant life is running. Here time plays a major role. You can’t afford to be late. I was working on a Law assognment today but I realised that this is my limit and I need a break. So, I thought of venting out my thoughts.  These two weeks have been totally confusing and unpredictable. Many changes have taken place.

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The most important change is my eagerness to learn the Canadian accent. So, I have started watching Netflix. I am watching seasons of Pretty Little Liars, Supernatural, Riverdale and there are some which I am trying to watch. Moreover, I listen to English songs and I realised that they are relaxants. They serve as a catalyst in my life.

I got more interactive with my classmates and got to know many things about them. They help me with many things. They talk about their cultures and lives which interests me the most. They do tell me that they have some stories which they would love to share and it excites me alot. Groups have been made and my group is different. We have group discussions and we have a good understanding. The most horrible thing is APA citation. Actually, I am used to MLA citation and with APA style, I get confused sometimes. Last week we had 3 assignments. I was super tied up. Guess what, I missed the date of Niagara Falls trip. I thought its on 15 June but it happened last week on 3 rd June. Actually, 15 number was 15$ and this is pathetic. I so wanted to punch myself. Anyhow, why to lament for the gone chance. I will get many more chances to explore things. For now, assignments, scores and grades matter. Till now I am getting A+ or A which is great.

An improvement about playing pool is that, my balls finally hit the right point. I am still a slow learner but its great. Moreover, I got many new facts. I now know about Uber app, uber eats and many others. I have started writing about recipes I make. I made cornflakes sabji, banana chips snacks and many other experiments which turned out to be successful. Here, grocery shopping is the most dangerous thing for me. I always end up spending 3-4 hours which is worst.

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Since Ramzan is going on, it is difficult for muslims but they do the things religiously. I went to new Tim Hortons which is in Sheppard side. Mosque is just opposite it. The night view is just so awesome. I just can’t believe it. It is the most beautiful site one can ever notice.

By the way, I found one more place to sleep in the college. There are relaxing sofas in D block where you can see the site of college too. Moreover, the other place is near the cafeteria where you find a seat just like a bed. I feel relaxed but sleep is out of my side.

I always talk to my parents and friends. I miss them so much. I am not homesick though but their hug is the only thing that I miss. So, I have started this Magical Hug thing with my roommate. With this thing, I feel good and she thinks I am becoming her lucky charm. Whenever I don’t hug her, her day goes bad so I always make a point to hug her. This is wierd but its good as far as its going on a positive note.

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I am in love with Junior Chicken of McDonalds. I have stopped consuming French Vanilla because there are other things that I want to try and explore. I tried mcCafe coffee which is yuck as ever so you better never try it. I hate the sugar here. 6 spoons of sugar makes 1 spoon of sugar in India. So, soemtimes I feel I am sugarless things. Green Tea I always take without sugar. Its only black coffee that I take with some amount of sugar. Blueberry muffin is the best thing I have ever tasted. It keeps me pumped and happy. Begel with cheese is the stupidest thing I ever had. I seriously hate Begel. I want to try butter chicken and fish. I miss curry , rajma rice and even that stupid ghiya, rama tori prepared by my mom. I wish I had listened to her before. I just know some of the things.

I can’t believe it that its been more than a month that I am away from everyone and reading too. My reading has slowed down. I get cravings for book reading but the assignments, quiz keeps me busy. I just don’t want my writing to stop as that would be tragic. So, at times I force myself to write.

I have made friends. The reason I don’t write about them is, I don’t want to share their life stories. If I start writing, I will end up telling their stories which would be wrong. They trust me and so do I. But I have got caring friends. Thats all. Now going to write down my Law assignment. Will be back soon. Stay tuned.

 

 

Confessions of an Immigrant-4

Hello lovelies,

 

I am really sorry for not updating the confession last Sunday. Things have been tied up and I got super busy with the assignments, quiz and a lot has been going on in my life. Life of an immigrant is not at all easy. At times, you are homesick, you feel sad for no reason, you are helpless sometimes, you are unable to express yourself and moreover, its hard to tell your heart out to others. Most of the people are strangers for you and same goes for them. It is hard to adjust with both such situations.

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Timetable!

 

Last week was the toughest. I am having issues with coping up with the things. Sometimes, days are easy while sometimes days are bit harsh. Can you guys imagine, a person who has worked all the time like a hardcore professional is jobless in this country. Maybe destiny has some other plans for me. Every time, I used to think destiny can’t do anything to me but here life is drastic. There is a lot of silence and earlier I was loving the silence. But it was just a mirage for me. Now, silence kills me. When you have nobody to talk to and you end up becoming a listener.

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Early Morning!

 

Some of my soulmates have been Tim Hortons, McDonalds, Station Express and Church. Out of these Tim Hortons and Station Express remains open 24/7 hours. It is the best time to introspect yourself and do your assignments. Lifestyle is different here. People are more active at late nights as they do night jobs. I met a girl at Station Express and after listening to her story, I got to know about different things.

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Formals!

 

I searched for jobs this week and literally went to many places. I applied at 114 places and went to 21 places for interviews. Rejection is hard to digest when you are clueless, like why you are being rejected. This Sunday I got to know that I was overqualified for the jobs I was asking. Coming to self confidence, self respect, just one thing to say, “Just crush it!” It will break you with every passing day. Don’t wait for the situations to do for you. Here people literally beg for jobs by saying,’ I need the job.’ For me, its hard as I have never gone to that extend for the job. But if situations went worse then surely, my self respect will die. For now, last breaths of my self respect are going on. Hope is keeping me strong else I would have been broken by now.

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Silence…

 

I met many people who are homeless. They don’t look poor but they don’t have money to rent or buy a house. They live at Tim Hortons, Ellesmere side. They sleep there and in the morning do the breakfast there. Once I went there with my friends to complete my assignment and I got to know about this place. I once talked to a person and he told me his story which was really heart touching. Life is a struggle everywhere, doesn’t matter whether you are in India or in Canada.

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Finally Indian Food!

 

Survival is hard. I met a guy who told me that he had to starve for a week because he didn’t have his money. His debit balance was zero and he never asked his family for the money. I asked him how he survived. He said he survived on green Tea and lost a lot of weight. So, when somebody says to you that they are losing weight, then probably they are surviving on green tea.

 

There is only one positive thing that happened, I have started dancing and I am learning how to play pool too. After reading, these two things keep me at peace. As usual, most of my day is spent in the library only. Canada is a mystery and I am trying to solve it.